Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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