He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
