im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
