I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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