he told me I talked like a deaf person
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
