Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
