They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
