Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
