the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
