Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
