omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
