so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
