I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
