Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I love you.
Bad choice
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
