I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
