took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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