Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
