wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize