To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
