So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
