They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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