If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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