How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
