Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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