Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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