i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
