Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
