New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
