She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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