So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
