is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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