nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
