i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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