can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
