She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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