First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
