No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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