I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize