Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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