I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Found the puke drawer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
