Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Welp...herpes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
