Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
