yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
