If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
