We need to rekindle our bromance
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
