I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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