Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
