Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
