Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
