he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
