Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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