im holly from the hills drunk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
