My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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