Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
