He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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