Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
