Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize