dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
