you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
