they need to just BURY HIM!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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