I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
