I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
that is very illegal...i love you.
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