Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
