My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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