When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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