im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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