just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
