Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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