Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
