I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
