They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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