I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize