low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
