hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
