Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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