he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
