you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize