kristin has been a bad kristin
Someone shit on the floor
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
