I seem to have left my pride at pride
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
