And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
