I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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