Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Every concussion has its silver lining
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
