yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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