Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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