The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
