If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
