Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
