I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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