his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
