I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They took my balls.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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