tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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