Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
