I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
