is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
