Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
