i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
