He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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